What To Tell Your Wife When She Complains
About The Cost Of A Ceramic Charcoal Cooker

We were perusing an up-market grill catalog (heck, the catalog cost $10) and noticed some rather pricey items. It suddenly occurred to us that perhaps a strategem for winning over the reluctant wife might lie within the covers of this catalog. It would go something like this:

You: "Honey, I've been thinking about getting a new grill, and I've made a list of what I think we'll need."

The Wife: "Oh", she will say eyeing you cautiously.

You: "Well, to start off, we'll need this light. You know how we like to grill in the winter. And then we'll need this trash bin. You know how you hate it when I make a mess and you have to clean up. We'll also need this cart to keep things organized and have a place to put it all. And I was thinking that we should probably get an ice maker so we don't have to run in and out of the house to get ice for big parties. And you remember that last time we had people over and the beer got warm? Well, I think we need a beer refrigerator to keep the beer cold. I know how you hate warm beer. And finally, I picked out a grill that should meet all our needs. It is plenty large and can do both gas and charcoal! And the ad says it is indestructible!"

The Wife: "So how much is that all going to cost us?" she will ask.

You: "Well, $125 for the light, $279 for the bin, $349 for the cart, $2250 for the ice maker, $2250 for the beer refrigerator and $5950 for the grill adds up to $11,203. Maybe for such a large order, they'll ship for free, huh? Whadya' think, honey?"

The Wife: [Insert profanity-laced "are you out of your f***ing mind" type of response here.]

You: "Oh, I didn't know you felt so strongly about spending so much money. In that case, howsabout we settle for a ceramic charcoal cooker? We should be able to get by with a flat $1000."