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Uncle Sam wants you to use the Whizzeroo-Q-Guru® just like he does!!

So, how do you get your very own Whizzeroo-Q-Guru®? We are making the plans for building your Whizzeroo-Q-Guru available at a very reasonable price. We have 3 easy payment plans: (Please read our disclaimer, below, before ordering.)

Payment Option 1: Write your name and address on the back of a $100-bill and send it to:

The Whizzeroo-Q-Guru
Naked Whiz Plaza
Raleigh, NC 27612

and we'll get those plans right out to you.

Payment Option 2: Compose a letter extolling the virtues of the Whizzeroo-Q-Guru and send it to six of your friends or colleagues. Put our address at the bottom of the letter followed by the addresses of your six friends or colleagues. Then, in the body of the letter, instruct your friends or colleagues to send $5 to the top name on the list and a copy of the letter to six of their friends or colleagues, putting their name on the bottom of the list. Oh yeah, and be sure to include in the letter that if they fail to send the letters out within 7 days, something really really bad is going to happen to them. As soon as we receive at least $100, we will rush plans for building your very own Whizzeroo-Q-Guru® right out to you!!

Payment Option 3: One of our employees is a cousin to the late LAURANT DESIRE KABILA, the President of the Congo Democratic Republic (CDR) who was assassinated on the 16th January, 2001 in Kinshasha. He lived with the late Kabila in the Hilltop Palace in Kinshasha until his untimely death which resulted to serious confusion in the palace.

During the confusion that ensued in the Hilltop Palace, our employee was privileged to remove some vital documents indicating of one (1) trunk box of money deposited in Ghana for safekeeping in a security company. The fund was being used for procurement of arms for helping Laurant Kabila to fight the rebels in the northern province of CDR.

The box contain Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US$10.5m). The money was for the purchase of military hardware and for the upkeep of the foreign soldiers helping Kabila in the civil war.

Our employee has at his disposal all the vital documents relating to the deposit of the trunk box kept in the security company in Ghana.

The money was the proceed of diamond sales which the rebel group has been fighting to gain access which resulted in the killing of innocent citizens and destruction of property.

If you can assist our employee in safeguarding and investing this money in real estate properties and stocks as his trustee, send your reply to our address, including your full name and address, private telephone number, and fax number for easy communication with you. Your benefit and entitlement will be discussed and agreed upon when you reply. Our employee is willing to pay you 15% of the money if you can assist.

Awaiting your reply, as transfering the money out of Africa has become very urgent for safekeeping. In exchange for your assistance in this matter, once the money is safely out of Africa, we will send you the plans for building your very own Whizzeroo-Q-Guru®!!!

Thanks For Reading About The Whizzeroo-Q-Guru!!

Disclaimer: Whizzeroo-Q-BBQ is not a registered trademark of nakewhiz.com. There is no such thing as a Process Boundary Analysis technique. There is no such thing as a Borbely Tube Control Grid. We don't even know what a Borbely Tube is. There is no such thing as a multi-dimensional temperature flow analysis and we cut the diagram out of a temperature map of the world, modifying the temperatures to suit our needs. We never trained a 12-month old baby to do anything. That baby may be a different age for all we know. The baby was not harmed in the making of this production. The lady with the horse trailer never received any education either. We have no idea whether or not she is capable of adjusting the temperature on a charcoal cooker. George W. Bush was never given a Whizzeroo-Q-Guru baseball hat. They don't exist. He never attended a product launch as there never was a product launch. Al Gore never made the Whizzerro-Q-Guru a part of his campaign and he never claimed to have invented it. He merely said that he was a big part of it. Mr. Gore also never claimed to be able to control the temperature on 10 charcoal cookers simultaneously. We don't know if Vladimir Putin and George W. Bush are friends, but they damn sure don't talk about charcoal cookers in public. There is no Russian concern interested in marketing a Russian Whizzeroo-Q-Guru, and even if there were, we seriously doubt it would be called a Whizzerooski-Qski-Guruski. We were not serious when we suggested you write your name and address on the back of a hundred dollar bill. We were also not serious when we suggested that you start a chain letter. We have no employees, but even if we did, we doubt we would hire the cousin to the late Laurant Disere Kabila. There is no 10.5 million dollars. There is no trunk. There is no security company in Ghana. Nobody is going to pay you 15% of anything. There are no plans available for the Whizzeroo-Q-Guru. We are not affiliated in any way with any concern that might be marketing a temperature controller with "q" and "guru" in their name. This is a joke. Satire. Humor. Yes, we do think we are the funniest thing since the whoopee cushion.