Welcome to The Colonel's Jeep Driver!
Yes, this is the place to get the real poop on just about anything. As any common soldier knows, the place to get the latest information is from the Colonel's jeep driver. If your buddy tells you, "I got it straight from the Colonel's jeep driver," then you know it's true!

Hi there. "Pusher" Walters here. Pusher's not my real name, of course. That's the name my buddies and my girl Lulu gave me. Of course, they gave it to me for different reasons, but we can't go into that here on the family channel.

I'm here to pass on the inside skinny that I regularly hear from the Colonel's jeep driver. What's that? Why him? Well you see, here in the military, rumors abound and in order to make your rumor sound more credible than everyone else's rumor, you tag on the end of it, "I got it straight from the Colonel's jeep driver." You see, the Colonel's jeep driver knows everything since the Colonel lets his jeep driver know everything. And what the Colonel doesn't tell his jeep driver, the jeep driver is bound to overhear. But of course, sometimes those darn soldiers tend to overuse the phrase, so when you hear the words, "the Colonel's jeep Driver", if you are smart, you stop listening. But you see, that's why I'm here: to sort out the real from the phoney for you! You see, I really do know the Colonel's jeep driver!! So, if you hear it from me, you know it's the real poop!

So again, welcome to The Colonel's Jeep driver. If you are smart, you will stop listening right now. But if not, then continue on, because I swear...

I got this all straight from the Colonel's jeep driver!

July the 4th And The Planet Mars - TV pictures from Mars? A little car running around on the surface of Mars? That's not what we heard! Read the real truth about why we are going to war with the Martians! It's true! We swear!

The Great Starbucks Alien Invasion - Starbucks coffee tastes simply awful, but people keep drinking it. There has got to be a reason why and we know what it is! Read the real truth about why we people drink this stuff. It's true! We swear!

HEY OUT THERE: Have you heard some good rumors? Want us to check it out with the Colonel's jeep driver? Like maybe something about Roswell, NM? Area 51? The grassy knoll? Marilyn Monroe? We're sure the Colonel's jeep driver can help you out. Send us your rumors, and we'll run them by the Colonel's jeep driver! There's just one topic which is off limits: Diana, Princess of Wales. You see, the Colonel's jeep driver is married to an English lady who doesn't think it's funny. The Colonel's jeep driver says if he makes fun of Diana, his wife won't give him that hot loving that all good soldiers need! Honest! So he says no Diana conspiracy theories. But he did say that he's got some good stuff about almost everything else!

DISCLAIMER: All the information contained on this page is not true. It didn't really come from a jeep driver. We don't know any colonel's or their girlfriends. It is all made up and intended to be funny. So, please don't sue us for libel or whatever, if you find yourself contained on this page. Lawyers for President Clinton, please make a note of this. Please don't base any major decisions on what you read here. We know this should be obvious, but the fact that there are UFO freaks and grassy knoll freaks out there makes this disclaimer necessary.

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