Starbucks Free Speech Campaign
Official Legal Gateway

Various portions of this page are black, just like those poor little burnt coffee beans, in order to protest attempts to censor negative opinions of Starbucks "coffee" on the Internet.

Official Notice:

This web site, hereinafter known as the "Starbucks Free Speech Campaign Web Site" was concieved, designed and is therefore intended for mature individuals of legal coffee-drinking age who are interested in and wish to have access to visual images, textual description and audio sounds that contain or reflect, either directly or by implication, negative opinions of $tarbuck$ coffee. The materials which are available within this site may include graphic visual depictions and descriptions of negative aspects of $tarbuck$ coffee and should NOT be accessed by anyone who is not of legal coffee-drinking age or who does not wish to be exposed to such materials. As such, to enter this site, you must, under penalties of perjury, take one of the following two courses of action:

Entry Option 1:

Waive Your
Legal Rights

If you wish to waive your legal rights and voluntarily forfeit the legal protections afforded by the Coffee Guard® entry system, you may bypass signing the Starbucks Free Speech Legal Entry Form and proceed directly to the Starbucks Free Speech Campaign Website at your own legal risk by


Entry Option 2:

Exercise Your
Legal Rights

If you wish to exercise your legal rights and be afforded the full legal protections of the Coffee Guard® entry system, you may proceed to the Starbucks Free Speech Campaign Website after first signing the Official Starbucks Free Speech Campaign Legal Entry Form by


Concerned Parents!
Are you worried about minors who aren't of coffee-drinking age gaining access to this and other web sites that contain negative opinions of $tarbuck$? Visit CoffeeGuard® and find out how you can do your part to keep kids safe!
Coffee Guard® -- A Great Bunch of Guys!!

DISCLAIMER: This page and the rest of the Starbucks Free Speech Campaign Web Site are all a big joke, expression of personal opinion, and a form of satire, all of which are constitutionally protected forms of free speech. We don't take ourselves too seriously, so don't you either. Ok? You may also choose to read the Full and Official List of Starbucks Free Speech Campaign Website Dislaimers. Or you might not.

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